stopbyandmoveon

i take that sorry back
you fucked up
fucked up big time

i’m sorry

i really wanted to tell you

but i couldn’t pull myself together for that

i’m sorry for being so selfish and childish 

now who’s the one getting attached?

just one night, with less eagerness and care

and i’m confused and wondering if something’s going on

or if he’s caring for other people over me

i don’t even know how i think anymore

the plan was to tell him how i felt today

to try to keep this light and easy, without committment

but i was in such a good mood, so rare in a long time

i really didn’t wanna bring the mood down

and now this,

what do i really think

for me to have no commitment towards him,

but for him to give me full commitment

that’s what i want

selfish?

yes.

open my mind, open my heart, open my soul, open my eyes

and let that sun shine out

cause i wana be the sun

not the rain

let it fall

let it drop

let it break

let it feel

let it be

let it out

let it go

everything is gona be okay

its gona be okay

its gona be okay

its gona be okay

its gona be okay

its gona be okay

just smile.

why am i so weak

loneliness

is it really that bad

how come its such a big weakness of mine

im willing to do anything to avoid it

i numb myself with games

numb myself with people

i try so hard

so hard

so hard

so hard

so hard

but im still alone

no, i didn’t get a chance to tell you

i really wanted to do that before the night

except i couldn’t reach you alone

i still wanted to tell you

i didn’t know what you mean by how you act

i want to keep this clear,

before anything goes out of hand and we can’t be friends anymore

i let you push this further, to me, as a friend

i didn’t want to push you away, because you were there for me that day

i don’t want it to feel like i only used you when i feel lonely

and that when i’m having fun, that i don’t care for you

cause that’s not how it is, so i let you do what you wanted

but in my mind, i still had that conversation i wanted to have with you

there were no chances, i couldn’t get a hold of you alone, with no one listening

and then shit happened

you weren’t feeling well, things got ugly

i wasn’t mad or anything, and i cleaned up for you

because of you and the host, there was no way i was gonna leave this mess

i don’t know if it was guilt or that i felt like i need to do something to make up what i did wrong,

i hope you feel better, cause i really need to talk to you with a clear mind,

i need to make this clear.

you’re never happy, never

i can’t make you happy, never

i used to try so hard, and i still do

but i feel it slipping

and the more i slip, the more you’re displeased

the more you displease, the more i slip

its a cycle,

i try, but i’m not trying hard enough

because i’m tired

i’m tired

this week has been quite hectic,

fun times staying up on a sunday night,

then eating breakfast and going to school together

its crazy, cause i’ve never bonded like this

and yes, here comes the pmsing at the best time possible

i let it take control over my mind,

i pushed it far, too far

it felt great being in your arms, but i know

i can never see you more than just a friend

i know, and i hope you know too

cause i want you to be there, always there, but no progression

i’m selfish, i’m asking for way too much, i know

i like this skinship, i like being comfortable with you

but i really don’t want to ruin this,

cause i know i can’t give you what you want, and i know you can’t give what i want

today, today, i’m going to be honest with you

i don’t usually do this, or i never do this

but you’re one of my few true true true friends,

and i don’t wana lie to you and have it end badly

i wanna tell you that, i don’t know about the future,

but right now, i can’t see you more than just a friend

i don’t think you like me in that way either, but i just want to make it clear

but all that touching, hugs, arms, i’m really comfortable doing that with you,

and the truth is, i really do enjoy it

but i don’t wana send you mixed signals, or confuse you in any way

because that would be using you

and i know friendships don’t work that way

i just want to make this clear, so we can continue on

please

i don’t want this to end